


If the Sun Refused to Shine

by savagelyricism



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Hopeful Ending, Longing, M/M, Post-Episode: s13e04 The Big Empty, Post-Episode: s13e05 Advanced Thanatology, Reunions, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-13
Updated: 2017-11-13
Packaged: 2019-02-01 19:03:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12711045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/savagelyricism/pseuds/savagelyricism
Summary: He can almost taste the smirk Dean is pressing at the edge of his jaw. Impishly sweet, with a side of earthy whiskey and salt from his earlier lunch.What Castiel wouldn’t give -wouldn’t promise- to taste it.To taste him.OrCastiel's paradise on earth.





	If the Sun Refused to Shine

 

Castiel sits at the corner of the bar waiting for an opportunity. Other than stealing a phone or someone’s wallet this is the easiest way he figures he can do what he must.

The sounds of the beat up juke box in the corner just serve to cement his longing. To remind him of what he’s missing.

Who he’s missing.

He can hardly stand it, the oppressive smoke and lack of lighting. It reminds him of things he wants to forget, of a place where he never wants to be in again.

The first rays of sunlight that touched his face made him feel such profound joy.

Freedom.

It was intoxicating.

Which is why he needs to get out of here. But first and foremost he needs to make a call, and to achieve that he needs spare change.

So he sits and waits.

*

“Think about it,” the thing wearing his face had crooned, “Infinite peace, yes. No regrets. No pain.”  But he does have regrets, and some pain is as sweet as honey. Worth all kinds of suffering.  A flash of green eyes and a cocky upturn of pink lips encourage him to rise up and confront this thing.

“Kiddo, save yourself.”

“I’m already saved.” And Castiel means it. He’s been saved since the day he received orders to retrieve the Righteous Man from hell.

He was saved the minute he started having doubts because one man, broken yet not defeated, asked more of him than any of his brethren had before.

He was saved the instant Sam and Dean looked at him and saw more than just an ally. With time both boys started to see him as a friend, and now as family.

Castiel was not ready to lose that.

So he rises up and fights.

*

It’s been years.

Silent and painful in its intensity.

Humbling in its capacity.

It lives and breathes. And Castiel hungers and craves.

It was easy to fall in love with Dean Winchester.

And how could he not love him?

He was perfect in his imperfections. His bravery, his recklessness, his commitment to his brother, to his friends and family. His love for greasy foods and questionable thirst for liquor.

His capacity for kindness and compassion for those in need.

His need for justice.

His compelling humanity.

The overwhelming love that lived under his skin.

And by his Father, Castiel wanted it, wanted to feel Dean’s love unfiltered and raw.

He wanted to drown in it.

Wanted to drown in him.

*

Kelly would ask him about what he saw, the reason for all the pain. It soothed her, knowing her child would bring about a better world.

A comforting lullaby to a dying mother.

So he tells her.

This brave woman who will never get to meet or hold her son.

“I saw- I saw the future. I saw a world without _pain_ or _hunger_ or _want_. I saw the world that this child-your child will create. And it is a world without _fear_ and without _suffering_ and without _hate_. _I saw paradise_.”

*

This is what he sees:

_The future._

_A possibility._

_A dream._

He’s in the back seat of the car that has been the home to two brave boys for decades. There’s music playing in the background and it’s impossible to not recognize it. It's _his_ tape, a gift from Dean. It is precious, not only for coming from him but because he realizes what it is. A part of Dean’s soul, his love for this music, a part of him that is private and telling. Something that Dean loves given so willingly to Castiel. One of his favorite things.

Castiel knows all the words to those thirteen songs.

He knows them like he knows the word of his Father. Recognizes them as intimately as he would recognize Dean’s soul, Dean’s body that he re-built atom by atom . Remembers them as he remembers the dawn of time and the creation of the world.

They are a part of him like they are a part of Dean.

He can hear the melody and those words surrounding him inside the Impala.

_My love is strong_

_With you there is no wrong_

_Together we shall go until we die_

And the most important thing.

Dean.

Dean is on top of him, straddling him. His hands-those hands that have inflicted pain and death, that have built and remade this vehicle in which they’re in, that have been so tender when treating his brother’s wounds-are playing teasingly with his tie, twisting it here and there. The small brushes of Dean’s fingers against his chest are burning Castiel from the inside, boiling his blood, turning him into a desperate panting thing.

“You okay there, Angel?” Dean’s voice is deep, whisky swirled and full of promise.

Castiel shudders.

He can almost taste the smirk Dean is pressing at the edge of his jaw. Impishly sweet, with a side of earthy whiskey and salt from his earlier lunch. What Castiel wouldn’t give -wouldn’t promise- to taste it. _To taste him._

“Cas?”  A question and a plea, soft yet demanding.

As if Castiel would ever deny him anything.

He feels the scrape of stubble between their cheeks. The warm weight of Dean’s body against his thighs. The way Dean’s hands have slowly traveled their way from his chest up to his neck to softly scratch his hair. He can feel every inch where they connect, the pull and push and sway as their bodies mold into each other. Castiel is drowning and it is perfection.

“Yes Dean?”

“Open your eyes.” And it’s a whispered caress in his ear.

He stares straight into green eyes lit by merriment, soft yet intense in their vulnerability. He can see starbursts and green fields in these eyes. Only ever these particular eyes inspire awe within Castiel. The lines marking his age only intensify his adoration for them, showing the map of genuine joy and overwhelming sorrow that have touched his most beloved friend.

The music continues in the background, perfectly synchronizing with Castiel’s harsh breaths and Dean’s dulcet groans.

_And so today, my world, it smiles_

_Your hand in mine, we walk the miles_

_And thanks to you it will be done_

_For you to me are the only one_

“Cas, _Cas, I_ -ah, fuck Cas. _Cas_.” And never has his name sounded more glorious, a prayer coming from that precious mouth. A smile that when directed his way drives him to his knees in wonder.

This is _his_ future.

_His paradise on earth._

*

He steals two quarters from a tip jar once the bartender turns to serve a grizzly man his beer and walks out the door looking for a working phone booth.

The lit cross in the distance seems like good enough sign, an omen of hope, a testament of faith.

He picks up the phone, inserts the coins and dials a well memorized string of numbers.

At the other end of the line Dean picks up.

*

The boys step out of the car, always in sync, always together. These two boys: his friends, his allies, his family. He can see from the corner of his eye Sam reach for his gun, he can feel his wariness, his hope and his need to protect his brother, even from this, especially from this.

It brings about an ache inside of him to see this, this devotion, to see Sam sharp and ready to kill for his brother. He had thought he'd never see this again, see them again. _See him_. And Castiel knows that he’s home.

Finally.

While Sam gets ready for battle in his periphery, Dean stands frozen, not reaching for a weapon or holy water. Dean stares and Castiel stares back, committing him to memory. Looking his fill and searching for differences he perhaps missed in his absence. Yet Dean is as he’s always been, perfect.

Sam takes a few steps forward towards his brother, aiming his gun at Castiel.

But Dean?

He smiles.

**Author's Note:**

> Title and lyrics from Led Zeppelin's 'Thank You'
> 
> Since watching 12x19 'The Future', I got this idea in my head that Cas must've seen something awesome to become team Jack/Baby God in a matter of seconds. So thus this was born.
> 
> If you think I was too blasphemous then come scream at me in the comment section. :)


End file.
